That is the motto from my Physical Therapy therapist. Thinks if I don’t walk out in pain they did not do their job.

SERIOUSLY, why do you need to be such a drill Sargent? You bedside manners suck. And you REALLY need to listen to your patient. Do not shrug them off. And think that they don’t know any better. When I say that I am in pain, I AM IN PAIN!!!!!!!! Not that little aching pain. SEVERE PAIN! Oh no you did not listen to me when I told you the last time I was there I was hurting when I left. Said to you hey, I really think the ice IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!! So what do you say we are going to try it again. Can’t use heat cause that is going to inflame your back.

So the last 15 minutes I have the wires on my back to give me shock waves. (Do not know the actual name for the machine…) And laying on an ice pack. After it was said and done, I COULD NOT MOVE! My back locked up so bad I screamed out in pain. The slightest movement sent me over the edge. For me to actually cry like that in public says something. It took them a good 20 minutes to get me into a standing position. Also had someone walk down with me to get my daughter out of the daycare and walk us to my car. HMMMMMMM………….

And not I am still in a lot of pain. I was supposed to go in Friday. Cancelled that and will try to pool. If you listen to me in the first place…you know sometimes the patient knows what they are talking about. I know that this is your job. BUT YOU NEED TO LISTEN.

I am fighting with my insurance, and PT. Saying you are making this worse. But stupid insurance says I have to do this. Again I will say this. WHAT MAKES YOU GOD? WHAT MAKES YOU DECIDE TO PLAY WITH SOMEONES HEALTH!!!!!

Last Wednesday I went to get my daughter out of her crib from her nap. As I went to pick her up my back went out. It felt like a pop and then a burning sensation in my lower spine. I just about dropped my daughter back in her crib. I manage to pick her back up and brought her out into the living room. I could not bend down to put her onto the couch. The pain in my back was beyond painful. I am trying to hold it together so I would not scare her. I needed to get her lunch and contact my husband to come home. Moving around was difficult. I have no one around and no one else to call…..

My daughter wanted to be held, and I am trying to calm her. She doesn’t understand why mommy can’t pick her up. I finally get her lunch together and went to pick her up. The pain was so bad that I let out this huge scream. I started crying, she started to cry. I barely managed to get her into her high chair. Well I practically dropped her in it.

My husband comes home about an hour or so after I call. Off the the ER we go. I can barely walk let alone sit down. I got pushed through the fast track. I was in and out in 15 minutes. Asked a few questions, touched my lower back, gave me some pain pills, (the pain pills is another blog all together….and they wonder why people have a problem with them when they hand them out like candy.) and sent me on my way. And gave me another doctor to see.

I called to make an apt with the spinal specialist. I would have to wait two days to see him. Thankfully my husband took time off to help out. When I saw the specialist he was not thrilled with the ER. They did not do any x-rays, or even give me an inflammatory. The specialist did the x-rays right at the office. And nothing showed up. So he put me on a cortisone pill, along with saying lets do an MRI.

Now this starts the battle with my insurance. I made an apt for today to do an MRI. And I would be returning to the specialist on Friday. I got a call yesterday from the doctors office saying my insurance denied me the MRI. I need to do PT before they even consider the MRI. Ummmmm……what gives you the right to make a decision like that? I am beside myself. Not like I haven’t gone through this bullshit before. 5 years ago my back went out. Went through the same thing. Though is was a different insurance company. Did the PT, so on and so forth. Comes to fine out the PT made it worse and finally I get to see a specialist to order the MRI. Turns out I had 3 bulged disc. I ended up having the cortisone shots in my back. And it worked. I did not start having problems with my back till after I gave birth.

The doctors office has been battling with them for two days. My turn to try. I am not sure what luck I will have..but I have to do something. I know my body, and it is not a pulled muscle. My lower spine is pinching and of fire. I know part of the reason is because we had meant our deductable. They will have to foot the bill. I realize that there are people who abused the system..but I am not one of them. I do not understand why they have a right to say what I can and cannot do.

They are going have to pay for the PT and then turn around and still pay for the MRI. The PT can make my back worse. PT is not the answer for everything. They are not doctors….how can the decide?????????????

I have been working on my website for quite sometime now. I would like to share it with everyone else. There is still lots to be done so be sure to look at the site every now and then for new pictures. Thanks and enjoy.

http://serenitygallery.webs.com

I used to love this time of year….but every year something sets me in a spiral of depression. Some years are better than others…but doesn’t make a difference.

Around this time of year I always get in a real bad funk. I am not sure if it is a seasonal depression or what. Sounds funny I am totally aware…but it is true.

And me feeling this way is already top of the depression that I deal with everyday. It is really hard for people around me. Especially my husband. I don’t know how he deals with it at times.

It isn’t like there is one thing that has happen to set me off around this time of year. Geez there is a lot that I have gone through…but honestly I can’t put my finger on it. It is very frustrating.

Each year I think it will be different or at least better…and it is the same thing over and over…I really dread this time of year.

The other day I wrote how I threw my pride out the window and sent a card to my friend. I knew she would be getting it soon. I had started to wonder if I did the right thing. I know I said no matter what I made said what I needed to. Basically it is now in her court.

Yesterday I got a short e-mail stating that she got my card and she thanked me. It meant a lot to her. So slowly things are getting there. I know that there is a lot of hurt on both sides..but I know we are willing not just to throw away our friendship.

Just have to wait to see…..

**POOF** There it goes…..

I have written about my best friend and I for awhile. How are friendship faded away when she moved out of state. We have talked very little since she moved away. The last time we talked or e-mailed I thought we had patched things up some. But apparently not.

So now I am thinking I will take the first step and see where it goes. At first I was thinking NO WAY! Why do I always have to be the responsible one? For a while I thought screw you. I don’t even want to bother cause I am afraid of getting hurt, but as time went one I started to really miss her.

Last week I got a card saying basically everything that I wanted yet could not had said it better. Wrote a little note saying I miss her and hope this will be a start. Also sending her my daughters pictures. So, now I have to wait and see…..

I am hoping that she can set her pride aside and except my apologizes.

Ok you nature lovers, I need some help with an ongoing disagreement that I have with my in-laws and husband.

I swear that our next door neighbor has ducks….and my family said nope…it is actually a tree frog? Huh? A tree frog that disguise it voice as a duck? Sounds like a duck to me.

So if the frog is quacking..does that duck gets confuse and start to ribbet?

Ok, so correct me if I am wrong…but pulling over for an emergency vechicle (that means Fire trucks, Ambulance’s, and cops people!!) a law state to state? And if not then it should be.

Maybe it is me….but isn’t it common sense to move over if you do see one approaching you? Heck even before I learned how to drive I knew to pull over for ANY emergency vehicle. I know that there are just some circumstances that you cannot. But come one people…..

Just last weekend my family and I were coming back from doing some grocery shopping. And in the review mirror I saw an ambulance approaching. We were on a three lane road and I was already on the furthest lane. As the ambulance approached I STILL PULLED OVER TO THE SIDE!! Even though the ambulance was two lanes over. You never know! This red pick up would not pull over!!! He had plenty of time to do so. What happen next blew my mind! There were other cars approaching, none were pulling over either or slowing down. The ambulance was blaring its horn and the red truck was just slowly moving along. The ambulance just about plowed into the back.

The truck still did not pull over. The hospital was right there and the ambulance was able to turn into the lane to go into the hospital.

I have seen it time and time again people not pulling over. And something else to go along with this. If there is a cop that has someone pulled over by law you need to pull over too. Again I have seen people not doing this too. I do realize that again you may not be able too….but there is a certain speed limit you must be going. If anyone knows, feel free to post a comment!

Oh mighty telephone I have under estimated you.

Today was the day….

You rang……and my heart jumped a beat…

Oh this could be it I said out loud….

Please bring me some good news I have been

waiting for!!!

Months on end you just teased me and brought me

news of telemarketers.

And when I was just about to give up hope!

You brought me the news I so needed to hear!

I now finally have an interview that I have been

waiting on for a very long time!!!

I know I said some mean things..but I just have one

more request for you….

I do have some other news I am waiting for…

Please bring me some more good news!!

I need to know that everything is ok and

my heart is just ticking fine!!! Please please….

I promise I will use you more and start to

neglect my cell phone and Internet!!

Ever notice how much easier it was to make friends has a child then an adult? Back then it was simple. Go up to someone say hey cool lunch box or like your shirt. Wanna be friends? Then off hand in hand skipping in the school yard.

Now if I say that…well I just get funny looks. Ummm…lol I haven’t actually done that..

But anyways, I now have a baby and pretty much that consumes me. I have friends whom I call every once in awhile or e-mail. All now living in another state. So, trying to become friends with someone is hard. I am staying home with my daughter so that makes it all more difficult.

Recently I have started talking to someone who actually lives right across from me. She has a daughter that is about 4 months older then my daughter. Funny part of this her and I crosses paths a year ago while I was still working. Strange how things happen. We got together last week and got along good. So did our daughters. Getting together today also.

Hopefully a new friendship will come about….